Weekend Winddown

Dear Ananya,

I recently found out I have genital herpes. I’m 18 and I’ve only been with 2 guys. My boyfriend and I have been dating 3 months. Now he thinks I’ve been cheating on him but I haven’t. I really like this guy and don’t want to lose him but he doesn’t trust me. Could I have gotten genital herpes from my first boyfriend and not even known it? My doctor told me there is no cure for herpes and that I will always have it. How can I ever be comfortable having sex when I could pass this on to someone else?

Signed,

Hurting and Confused

Dear Hurting and Confused,

It can be shocking to learn that you have genital herpes and you will have a lot of questions. You have taken the best first step possible by asking for more information. Yes it is possible that you have had genital herpes and did not know it. It is also possible that your current or former boyfriend had it and was not aware of it. Up to 90% of people who have the virus don’t have symptoms or the symptoms are mistaken for something else. Here are a few practical things you can do to help you feel more in control. First your boyfriend should be tested. Then you need to find a time when you are both calm and have an open honest discussion about where to go from here. Blame, accusations and name calling have no place in this discussion. Both herpes simplex 1 (HSV-1) and herpes simplex 2 (HSV-2) are very common and easily transmitted. You didn’t ask for this or do anything wrong to get it. To help you feel more comfortable about having sex there are medications you can take to make your outbreaks less often and less severe. You should also use condoms as they offer some protection, although not 100% as they may not cover the area that is affected. Finally keep in mind genital herpes isn’t a death sentence for you or your love life. It is a very common and manageable condition.

Best Wishes,

Ananya

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