Weekend Winddown

Dear Ananya,

I’ve been with my current boyfriend for almost 3 years. He caught herpes from me. I really didn’t think I was contagious at the time but I should have been more careful. We spent a lot of time and energy working through problems in our relationship after he got the disease.

The trouble is now I’m just not sure he is the man I want to spend my life with. He is a good guy, but there are many areas where we are very different. We end up fighting a lot about things like money or religion. Things we can’t seem to compromise on.

I really don’t feel right about leaving him though because I feel responsible for him getting herpes. I feel like I owe it to him to stay. I feel like I am abandoning him if I leave. Of course I’m also not looking forward to dating again and trying to explain all this to someone new. It feels safe being in a relationship where both of us have herpes even if there are problems that aren’t going to go away. It is scary to go back into the world to date. It will be harder on him because he has never had to do this and it is my fault.

Should I just stay with him and make the best of the situation or should I move on in spite of my guilt?

Signed,

Should I Stay or Should I Go

Dear Should I Stay or Should I Go,

I understand that you feel guilty about passing on this condition to someone who trusted you. I’m sure you wish it hadn’t happened that way. You found out the hard way it is never guaranteed that you won’t pass on the virus even if you don’t have any physical signs of a herpes lesion.

Your feelings of responsibility, guilt and fear are real and understandable. They are not however enough to build a lasting relationship on.

From what you have told me I think your heart and your gut have already given you the answer you need. You know there are problems between you that won’t change. It is ok to let go of your fear and guilt and get on with your life. It may not seem like it now but this is best for your boyfriend too. He will survive and if he is as good a guy as you say he will find someone he is more compatible with.

It can be scary getting back in the dating world even if you don’t have herpes to deal with. Here on WeekendWinddown you will both find the support and encouragement you need to move forward with confidence.

Best Wishes,

Ananya

Post a Comment